My very first Video blog!!!

I came upon this quote earlier today over my Venti iced coffee as i was preparing to teach.  At first, it sounds pretty basic…. i mean, we’ve heard it a million times: “follow your heart!”.  it’s not exactly an earth-shattering revelation.  BUT…. maybe….. it could be.  Maybe Confucius did not intend this advice to be applied only to the broad spectrum of our careers and life journeys.  MAYBE…. he meant it to apply to every individual day. or even…. every individual moment.

Like most of us, I sometimes get swept up in the big picture.  The grand plan.  In that respect, I ABSOLUTELY lead with my heart (sometimes, even at the expense of my head).  I mean, 5 years ago I picked up my life in NYC, packed it in one suitcase, and moved it all the way across the country to LA with no job, no family, and no idea what was in store.  nothing but faith.  I’d say that qualifies as leading with the heart.  BUT…. what about every day tasks?  what about grocery shopping.  or looking for parking?  When i’m doing laundry…. am i doing laundry “with all my heart”? Well… maybe not.  but WHY not?  aren’t we reminded in every yoga class to be present in THIS moment?  if so, wouldn’t it be wise, and maybe even make life a bit more joyful, if we DID do laundry, and buy groceries, and find parking with all our heart?  Every moment we have is a truly special gift.  i mean let’s face it.  all we have to do is turn on the News for 5 minutes to be reminded of how fragile & precarious life is.  and so MUCH of life is spent doing what might be considered menial, or mundane tasks. brushing our teeth, doing the dishes, getting dressed, running errands. but what if they weren’t mundane?  what if we made a conscious effort to make those moments count just as richly as any other?

If we really want to make the most of the time we have, we won’t wait until the weekend, or our vacation, or the fulfillment of all our hopes and dreams, to be happy.  we will create our own happiness NOW, by placing great value on these everyday tasks.  perhaps we can shift our view.  after all…. “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.  what if…. we could make grocery shopping a reminder of how fortunate we are to be able to put food on the table.  what if brushing our teeth was not just “brushing our teeth”, but rather, a commitment to longevity & wellness in the body. and so on….

so today, maybe make an intention to take the sage advice of Confucius, and “wherever you go, go with all your heart”.  Even if, where you’re going….. is the laundromat.

5 things I’m grateful for today: 1) every French teacher, Yoga teacher, and teacher of anything I know, who has ever touched my life. 2) thai tiger balm 3) machete sharpeners 4) my rip curl rash guard 5) fresh coconut milk from the tree outside my cabana

Costa Rica: Day 3

8:00 am- woke up this morning a bit groggy & violently scratching my left wrist. I looked down to find I had 2 rather large, somewhat scary looking mosquito bites.  I looked UP to find that the very romantic looking mosquito net that had been wrapped around my bed had somehow been pushed off to the side.  I must’ve had a tumultuous nights’ sleep to cause such disarray… (which makes sense, since I vaguely recall a dream about being chased by a giant, menacing SoyJoy bar).  I also remember, somewhat cavalierly NOT applying bug spray last night.  As I sit up, I start scratching my forearm… I look down, and even without the aid of my contacts, I can make out at least 20 bites from wrist to elbow.  Perfect.  As I leave my cabana to go machete my breakfast of coconuts and starfruit, Jonathan (the tall handsome resort owner) must notice even more bites because he looks at me and slyly says “ahhhh you must be very sweet!”.  Excellent. Mosquitos love me.  I’ll add them to the list which already includes pervy geriatrics in flourescent speedos, and greasy european tourists who always seem to resemble french pedophiles.

Fortunately, my new British friend Chris (the hilarious half of the British couple I met yesterday) is at breakfast and has some tiger balm he acquired in thailand, where they SWEAR by it for mosquito relief.  I slather it on, and after the initial burning sensation (worrisome) I start to feel a cooling relief (pleasant).  After Jonathan gives me some pointers on sharpening and effectively wielding a machete (FYI… These pointers include how to get one home to LA in my checked luggage) I sit down again to find that Jamie and Katie (the supermodel half of the British couple I met yesterday) have joined for breakfast, and we converse about our journeys in Mal Pais.  Katie laughs as I explain how I have developed the bizarre habit of inadvertently speaking to the locals in a strange fusion of Spanish, English and French (the language I studied but never perfected in high school).  ’Franglish’, you might call it. I actually contemplated taking snapshots of people’s faces as they try to decipher my Franglish.  I suspect this would make an interesting coffee table book.

7:00pm- after sheathing my machete this morning,  Jamie and I headed to what has become our own private yoga studio out in the open air between the pool and the jungle.  We use Jamie’s iPhone to rock out to ‘Mike Snow’ and ‘Florence and the Machine’ as we Vinyasa our little hearts out.  Sweaty and serene, we dive into the pool to cool down before biking to St. Theresa for our first surfing lesson.  On our cycling journey into town, we are serenaded by a un-ending chorus of “Hola Chicas” and “Muy Bonito” and…. Some other ‘salutations’ which I couldn’t understand because I’m QUITE sure ‘Dora the Exolorer’ never said them.

When we arrive at the surf shop, we meet our fearless leader. LoLo.  Now….. It is nearly impossible for me to describe in words, or even photos, the sheer and sublime AWESOMENESS that is LoLo.  For starters- he is a Frenchman who lives in Costa Rica, so he TOO speaks something along the lines of Franglish, and I instantly feel we are kindred spirits.  LoLo also speaks so rapidly and with such a thick accent, that you must be quite quick-witted to follow anything at all he is saying. personally… I love this. AND i love that he named his son Neo- after the Matrix.  LoLo is incredibly tan, and has hair like Richard Simmons. If Richard Simmons never used conditioner and was violently electrocuted.  LoLo says this helps protect his brain in case his board ever hits him in the head.  and with that…. We hop in his SUV and drive 20 min. away so we can surf Hermosa Beach, which is renowned as one of the ‘Top 10 Most Beautiful Beaches’ in the world.  When we arrive, I understand why.  First we have to carry our boards through the jungle (true story) to Reach the surf.  When we emerge, I am standing on the pristine white sand of the wide expanse of the most stunning beach I have ever seen.  It is So reminiscent of LOST, i am quite sure that, at any moment, ‘The Others’ are going to come running out of the jungle to ambush us.  But they don’t.  Instead I turn around to see that LoLo has slathered on so much SPF, that his face is literally white, in humorous contrast to his over tanned body. KoLo is also SUCH a Bad-Ass, that he teaches surfing in a sunhat… Which, in the 3 hours we spend in the ocean, never once falls off. LoLo is basically a surfing ninja.  While listening to him explaining ‘Board Safety’ and ‘take off’ techniques, I am ceaselessly amused that LoLo (in Franglish) refers to toes as ‘fingers’…..  ”Don’t put tout your weight en your fingers, bueno?”.  I love this guy.

Surfing is such a fascinating experience.  At any moment, you could be absolutely destroyed by the power of the Sea.  As I walk into the surf, I look up and see birds of prey circling over our heads.  I decide not to take this as an omen of impending doom, and I head directly into the Sea.  I begin my first take-off and immediately wipe-out, but excitedly turn around for more.  My third attempt, i get up and make it shore.  Before long, I am not simply standing on a board…. But actually riding on the sea to LoLo’s cries of “Allez Elise!!!!” “Voila!” “Very Tres Buena!!!!”

Now LoLo… is an absolutely Fabulous surfing instructor.  The best.  As a (Yoga) teacher myself, I am very aware of the difference between being a talented practitioner, and a gifted teacher.  I’ve been extremely fortunate in my Yoga practice over the years to have learned from so many talented teachers…. Many of whom never demonstrated a single pose.  I understand that in Yoga, sometimes the teachers with the most impressive asana abilities physically, understand little about teaching others, and even less about the true meaning of Yoga.  Teaching is a unique talent. LoLo… Has this talent. Yes… He gives excellent cues on how to establish and improve your technique.  Moreover, He gives you the tools you need to truly become a surfer. Balance, knowledge, position, breath, ease. most importantly…. LoLo teaches you to read the Sea.  To understand and respect it.  When he was teaching me, I felt- with every molecule of my being- that his sole purpose is to share his passion for surfing with beginners.  To make us love it as much as he does.  To open up- not just our bodies- but our hearts and minds and souls to this astounding world he lives in.  A world we might otherwise merely pass through, unaffected.  He wants us…. To fall in love with Surfing.  And today…. Out in the open ocean…. Somewhere between sunset and twilight…… I fell in love.

Today I began a trip around the world. Not because I’m searching for something I’ve lost… Or because I want an escape from “real life”… Not even because I am literally & metaphorically embarking on a brand new phase of my life. I am traveling simply for the Joy.

I want to be carried on an epic adventure of beauty & culture. I want to take an exciting journey into the unknown, and find out what might be waiting there for me. I want to discover. To learn. To experience. To grow…. And to breathe. I want to be open to any and all experiences, and to let them touch my heart and my soul. I want to take a GIANT step into the World, and see what it’s all about!

Today… I took my first step on a journey that will take me to Costa Rica, Isla Mujeres, Hong Kong, Thailand, Bali, Australia, and New Zealand. Today… I begin this journal with: “Costa Rica- Day 1″.

I am traveling with my friend Jamie, who (interestingly) was the first person I met after I took another giant step into the World 5 years ago when I moved to L.A. we land in San Jose airport in a frenzy, because our flight is an hour and 12 minutes late, which means we have missed our connecting flight to the coastal surfing community of Mal Pais. There are no more flights out this afternoon, so it is suggested we stay in San Jose & fly out in the morning. Now… While I’m sure parts of San Jose are quite lovely indeed.. The holiday inn near the airport is not EXACTLY how we envisioned beginning our epic adventure through the rain forests of Central America. So… We decide instead to see some of this gorgeous country by taking a car, to a ferry, to an ATV to reach our resort in Mal Pais. This means our 20min flight, has become a 6 hour cross- country escapade… But even after 10 hours of airports & planes, we are game for the challenge!

Our driver Alex is jovial & helpful, and even jokes by teaching us some useful spanish phrases for Americans such as “where is the nearest Denny’s?” (hilarious). Alex speaks unbroken English, and when his cell phone rings, it plays “Aerosmith”. This cracks me up.

As we drive on, we pass a car which has broken down on the side of the road, and I notice the first major difference from Los Angeles. I do not see a man wearing Ed Hardy & texting on his cell phone while waiting for AAA. I see a man underneath his car, fixing it himself as his 6 year old daughter passes him the appropriate tools for the job.

Alex starts to step on the gas, as we are cutting it close to catching the LAST ferry out for the night, and with our luck making connections SO far, we figure we MAY not be able to rely on good kharma to get us there in time. We make it with 3 minutes to spare, and as I am dashing for the Boat, I am sincerely wishing I did not pack so many cute pairs of cargo pants b/c my backpack feels as though it may crush my clavicle if left to it’s own devises.

By some miracle, we board the ferry in time to witness the most spectacular sunset. The air is heavy & humid, but somehow…. Not sticky or hot. The breeze was perfection, and I got lost in a mediative trance of loveliness, as I witness the undiluted beauty of nature. On the 2 hour ride across the ocean, we see mountains and islands, and clouds that catch the twilight in a manner that cannot be described in words. We see fishermen and pelicans, and before long I feel as though my mind has cleared, and my body has decompressed. I breathe in the sweet evening air, and meditate on gratitude.

When we arrive on the peninsula, we are whisked away in an ATV by Alex’s friend Luis, who has a sign which reads “Jamie + Elice”, and who has been designated to carry us on the remainder of our journey. We hop in excitedly, and off we go! Along the way, I notice another difference from L.A. Every house we pass- without exception- has the front door wide open. there are no TVs on, and families are conversing and playing games on porches. This way of life seems somehow refreshing… To live without locks and bolts and 97 inch screens. A way of life that seems fully based on defining families and  enjoying the moment. I love this.

Now- we were informed that Mal Pais is “off the beaten path”, but we were in for a bit of a surprise when the pavement became a dirt road, the dirt road became a trail, the trail became 2 tire tracks, and the tire tracks disintegrated into a barley perceptible path through the jungle. the vehicle was bouncing up and down and winding around bends for over an hour before we finally drove down the coast and came upon The secluded little private resort we booked online. It was…. In a word… Paradise! The pictures online made it look luxurious, but I had been convinced that at $40 a night each, it couldn’t live up to the expectations.

It FAR exceeded them! Our private cabana has it’s own hammock and the deluxe bathroom is open air, so I could see the stars as I showered off the long trip. Jamie and I were famished, so we went directly to the restaurant which is poolside under the stars. Here we were served fresh vegetables & fruits, which somehow taste better and richer than their American counterparts. We then ate the catch of the day, which was so fresh it was practically still swimming. To wash down all this island deliciousness I had an incredible local concoction that was simply fresh pineapple and crushed ice. No sugar. No additives…. Just divinity in a glass.

We went directly to the pool for a dip where I laid on a floating bed & stared at the night sky. It was here that I noticed a final stark difference from L.A…… The night sky. here in this secluded paradise…. Away from the big city, headlights on the 405 and smog…. The ebony sky looked like a gateway to another universe. I laid floating in awe. Enjoying the hypnotic effect of the dazzling stars. It takes a little time to develop the eyes to see this sky. First…. You are overwhelmed by the complete darkness of the night, and then stunned by the contrasting brilliance of Saturn, and the most prominent stars.

But then…. If you relax your vision and stare into the darkness with faith… more of the universe begins to reveal itself. Gradually… You begin to notice thousands of specks of light filling the darkness… Clusters of constellations and shooting stars passing so quickly that if you blink, you’d miss them. And all of a sudden, it seems as though something millions of light years away, is actually within your grasp.

5 Things I am grateful for today: 1) the meditation music on my ipod. 2) and my earphones 3) incredible traveling companions 4) Arnold Palmers 5) Being childish, playing with iPads and PS3s at ‘Best Buy’.

For Today’s blog, I decided to follow the lead of a very inspirational 90 year old woman in Cleveland Ohio, who compiled a list of the 50 most valuable life lessons she had learned.  Reading it simultaneously brought tears to my eyes, a smile to my face, and joy to my heart.  So in the spirit of commemorating my birthday AND “paying it forward”, I have compiled MY list of lessons to share… perhaps it will inspire you to write your own.  Life is a gift… don’t wait until tomorrow to unwrap and enjoy it.  CELEBRATE TODAY!

30 LIFE LESSONS

1. You can never drink too much water, or apply too much sunscreen
2. ALWAYS hunger for knowledge.  NEVER stop learning
3. Sometimes, laughter really IS the best medicine
4. Dance
5. Don’t wait Until New Years Eve…. EVERY day can be a brand new beginning… and an opportunity to create your own ending
6. Be passionate about something.  Then share it with the World
7. Make Choices.  Fall down.  Move on.
8. Jealousy is a wasted emotion.  Release it.
9. John N. Mitchell said: “Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.”  He was right.
10. Life is too short to NOT eat cupcakes.
11. Get out in the Sunshine.  Surf, swim, play, climb, hike, breathe…. Apply SPF
12. Foster a dog to learn about unconditional love
13. If you ever get caught up in a flurry of panic & doubt, remember this: “Don’t worry about life, you’re not going to survive it anyway.” -Anonymous.
14. Don’t harden your heart.  It feels better to have one that’s warm and soft.
15. Learn your lessons, then let go of the past.  It is the only way to make space for the present.
16. Preach Love, Patience, Tolerance and Peace.  Then practice what you preach.
17. Indulge.  It makes the sacrifices worthwhile.
18. To Love is to be fearless.  Accept the challenge.
19. You don’t always have to win.
20. Dream Big.  Work Hard.  Believe Deeply.
21. Visit New York City.
22. Keep in touch with high school friends. They loved you at your most awkward.
23. Never give up on yourself….. You can turn anything around.
24. Honor your commitments.
25. Don’t focus so intently on the next life, that you forget to live this one.
26. Learn valuable lessons from musical theater: “What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play!” – John Kander and Fred Ebb
27. Play with children.  Earn their trust.  Learn from the purity of their spirit.
28. Mom was right: Eat your vegetables
29. Appreciate this moment. Right now.  It is the only thing that’s certain.
30. Live your life OUT LOUD!  Be heard.New

Well, the theme for fall in Los Angeles certainly seems to be rainy days!  And as someone who can be supremely susceptible to the ‘gloom’, my ultimate challenge to myself seems to be finding the proverbial silver lining.

As a teacher of Yoga, and an advocate of wellness, I am a firm believer in cultivating balance.   Harmonizing body and mind…. Training our weaknesses to become our strengths…  accessing  unaffected clarity of thoughts… the list goes on.  Many of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras focus on finding this elusive equanimity.   Finding Sthira or ‘stability’ is one of the foundations of the practice of yoga.  This type of constancy,  can be defined as our ability to remain unfettered by external disturbances which threaten our equilibrium.   Now, this sounds like a rather simple concept, but I find it to be one of the most elusive skills to cultivate.  Existing in a society makes it challenging to be unaffected by the energies and perceptions of other people.

In an era inundated with ceaseless texting, emailing, facebooking, tweeting and ‘God knows what’ other social media, we are constantly assaulted by the needs, demands, thoughts, and desires of others. As lady gaga so wisely says: “Stop calling, Stop calling, I don’t wanna think anymore!”  These words so often come to mind when my iPhone is ‘blowing up’ like the Chernobyl.  In these moments, I truly appreciate the value of silence.  There are times when I feel like I am always on the go…. Running from classes to meetings to photo or tv shoots… answering emails and texts and tweets from my iPhone every time I hit a stoplight or wait in line at the grocery store.  Often, it feels like the demands on my time and the appeals for immediate and constant accessibility are ENDLESS!  There is simply always SOMETHING productive I could be doing.  One more critically important item on an immeasurable ‘TO DO” list.  To avoid going diametrically insane, all this madness simply MUST be tempered by stillness.  Or at least… a slight pump of the often neglected brakes.

So today I chose a blissful activity that is utterly antithetical to my natural inclination toward perpetual motion: I stopped.

The incessant downpour of rain provided the perfect backdrop for me to take a full day off.  From everything.  Yes….. even my iPhone.  And….. (gasp)……  facebook!!  In fact, I even took the day off from getting dressed.  I simply stayed in my pajamas all day.  I sat snuggled under a down comforter on the couch eating food that was delivered to me, and watched movies.  I started with a new Horror release: “Splice”, and culminated my day of rest with a legendary classic (and personal favorite) “Aliens”.  (As you can tell… I’m not a “romantic comedy” kind of girl.  I’m more a “watching-Arnold-Schwarzenegger-destroy-millions-of-Predators-without-a-scratch” kind of girl.)

For a WHOLE day, I did not turn my phone on.  I did not update my status or open my laptop.  I didn’t even put my contact lenses in.  I simply recharged.  And it felt…… Amazing!!!!!!

Sometimes we forget that we absolutely do NOT have to be instantly available to anyone and everyone who contacts us.  The emails can wait a day (or even 2 or 3) without anyone’s world ending.  Alarmingly…. no natural disasters occurred from the fact that I did not respond to every text I received.  Sigourney Weaver did not have to emerge and save us from acid-blooded Mother Aliens that descended as a result of my NOT tweeting for a day.  And though I did get a few worried calls from friends and family who thought I SURELY must have died since I had not updated my status in  24 hours, even THEY survived.  Everything was still there, patiently waiting for me the next day.  And by the time the clouds cleared, and I re-entered the world, I actually felt READY to be back.

Sometimes…. it’s astounding how invigorating a little retreat from life can be.

5 Things I’m grateful for today: 1) pumpkin lattes with extra whip 2) Steaming hot showers 3) grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup 4) my Mom 5) my extra fluffy, super comfy white bathrobe.

Today was not the typical Los Angeles Day.  Today I did not grab my Rainbow Brite beach towel & bottle of Hawaiian tropic to head to the Shangri-La pool.  I did not grab my wetsuit & surf board to hit the waves at Venice beach.  I didn’t even throw on my cut-offs & Havianas to walk leisurely around Montana Avenue.  Because today was a meteorological anomaly for Southern California.  Today…… it was cold & raining.

Now, to the rest of the country this may seem a very trivial detail, but here in LA, we approach these days much like North Easterners approach snowstorms.  We don coats & scarves and slickers.  We drive cautiously at well under the speed limit to avoid hydroplaning.  We hit the local grocery stores to load up on amenities like canned goods, bottled water & toilet paper.  We skip our usual errands and trips to the gym, and we start eating soup & snuggling under comforters.

So today, I decided to enjoy an unusual ‘blissful activity’, and take a long walk in the rain.  I went into my storage bin & pulled out my ‘marc jacobs’ rain boots (which I found at nearly 75% off at Fred Segal, due to the fact that it NEVER rains here, so naturally…. there is a very limited demand for rain boots).  I then whipped out the only rain-slicker I own, which is branded with the logo from a show I performed in long ago.  Now this would be PERFECT if that show was ‘singing in the rain!’ but sadly, it was “The Best Little Whorehouse in TX”.  So, to be honest….. I have gotten some confused & judgmental looks from the locals the 2 times I have worn it in my 5 years here in LA.

In a few moments, I was all decked out like ‘Paddington Bear” & ready to take on what any self-respecting Los Angelean would consider two completely unthinkable tasks:  braving a rainstorm, and…………… walking!  Nevertheless, I threw caution to the wind, and off I went!  At first I felt cold and a little bit miserable as the cuffs of my ‘extra long’ lululemon sweats got more & more drenched with each step.  But after a bit, I was able to appreciate the crisp clean air, and the captivating music created by the rhythm of raindrops splashing on Prius windshields.  I could almost feel the stillness, as the normally hectic pace of Wilshire Blvd was now quieted to a slow crawl.  Before long, I made two very important discoveries: 1) my rain boots provide excellent traction, and 2) Santa Monica is not built for rainfall, so HUGE pools of water had formed in nearly every parking lot, and almost all crosswalks.  Within minutes, I found myself giggling hysterically and splashing like a 5 year old through every puddle I could find!  I would slosh through the shallow ones, and take flying JUMPS into the biggest ones (which, in my experience, were largely found in  bank parking lots).  I created astounding splashes that Poseidon himself would envy.  I’d stomp and slosh and plunge into any and every standing pool of water, until I’d absolutely exhausted myself with delight!!

On the way home…. Drenched and dripping, I stopped into a Starbucks for their seasonal pumpkin latte (whipped cream and all).  The aroma of the spices instantly transported me back to those crisp fall days of my childhood back East, when I’d roller-skate in the driveway and rake leaves with my family… (well, to be perfectly honest before my Mom calls me out, I did more jumping and cart-wheeling into piles of leaves than actually RAKING them).  Either way… with unabashed joy, and nostalgic thoughts of crushing crunchy colored leaves beneath my feet whirling around in my brain, I walked home gleefully.

Sometimes….. it’s the cloudiest days, and the simplest things, that create our brightest moments.

5 Things I’m grateful for today:  1) my mala beads 2) running into old friends on Montana  3) a reminder from my friend Michele that, no matter how things turn out,  time spent in love is never time wasted. 4) pinkberry with mango, mochi, rasberries & honey 5) a clean white tank from “Splits59”

The 7 stages of grief:  1) shock & denial 2) pain & guilt 3) bargaining & anger 4) reflection & loneliness 5) the upward turn 6) reconstruction 7) acceptance

Grief: Stage 2

Well, today It’s been one week since I lost Dagny.  Actually…. 6 days and 22 ½ hours to be exact.  As much as I’d like to skip the 2^nd 3^rd & 4^th stages of Grief  & skip right to step 5: “the upward turn”, I know that’s not exactly how this whole process works.

The merciful 1st stage was achingly short, and I feel like I was forcefully thrust directly into the throes of phase 2.  Pain:  Yes.  The throbbing kind that pierces the front temporal lobe & maliciously works it’s way directly into your heart, and then just kind of lingers there.  Guilt: Oh Yes.  And it’s second cousin; Regret.  For the first couple days, I pretty much stayed in my sweats and wondered why I ever bother loving ANYTHING, since it always seems to end in some kind of heart-wrenching disaster.  (Now…. fortunately, I have the intellectual fortitude to acknowledge these kind of dramatic thoughts as emotional rhetoric.  UNfortunately…. My internal Emma Woodhouse cajoles my heart to indulge in such theatrical musings all too often).  After a good long bout with this type of self indulgent angst (which I suggest the experts add as ‘stage 2 ½ ’), I was able to simultaneously progress to ‘anger & bargaining’, while still firmly rooted in ‘pain & guilt’.  Awesome.  Awesome like a roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.

During the few days I spent straddling the 2^nd & 3^rd phases (still in my sweats for the most part) I was fortunate to have many friends who provided me comfort in the form of tea, meals, texts, calls, posts, shoulders to cry on…… and pinkberry.  One friend even helped me pick out some homeopathic herbal drops (which, I suspect are not quite as effective when dropped into Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper).  In essence, I had a team of healers.  My own personal ‘Shamans’.  ALL of whom seemed tirelessly happy to put their lives on hold to help me stay afloat.  This love and selfless compassion helped me recover from stage 2, which led me to…..

Grief: Stage 3

Bargaining: It seems that even a romantic dreamer like myself knows better than to try to ‘bargain’ my way out of a death….

Anger: I experienced this uncomfortable phase as an offshoot of Guilt.  Therefore…. The anger I felt was not directed at God, or The Universe’s “plan”, or others.  MY anger was squarely aimed at one person alone.  Me.  My whole life, I have been brutally hard on myself…. demanding an elusive perfection impossible to attain.  In this case, I was angry at myself for not being able to save my puppy, for being sad, for missing one day of work, for not healing fast enough, for letting people down, for burdening my friends and family (again), etc., etc., etc…….  I am exceedingly forgiving of others, but have a truly arduous time extending the same courtesy to myself.  This is something I am working on… both internally, and with my aforementioned healers.  In fact, this is the foundation for today’s “blissful” activity:

Meditation.  Today, I decided to use a new mantra in my practice.  A mantra that was shared with me in love, by a friend and shaman.  A mantra which would remind me to treat myself kindly and with charity:  “Trust and Compassion for SELF and others.”  Now, I know full well that the “SELF and” part would be the challenge, but I wholeheartedly believe that I am up for it!  I simply remember that being good to yourself is not at all ‘selfish’.  Rather, it is an essential aspect of wellness, which enables us to find our Bliss, and share it with each person our lives touch.  Now…. Where are my mala beads?……

Well……. It’s been awhile since my last blog. A long while, to be truthful. Many times in the past several months I have sat down to the computer to share words of wisdom, and found myself distracted by phone calls, or emails, or Facebook. I’ve made excuses (“but there’s a re-run of FRIENDS on”), I’ve procrastinated (“I’ll do it right after I watch this re-run of “FRIENDS”), and I’ve scolded myself for my laziness (“I’m Horrible for watching a re-run of FRIENDS when I should have been blogging!!!!”). All of this worry & stress still was not enough to motivate me toward my laptop, which was very busy gathering dust in the back corner of my closet, somewhere behind my box-set of FRIENDS. I would occasionally even get minor panic attacks at the mere thought of writing a blog…. “what will I write about??”, “what if it’s not good enough??”, “would Chandler think this blog was funny??”. Time and time again I avoided the dreaded task…. Wondering how something that I once enjoyed SO much, was suddenly more foreboding than the Mayans’ predictions for 2012. Then, one day in July, after a particularly tragic attempt at writing (I think that blog may have actually begun: “GLUTEAL WORK: Don’t get “Behind”. Yikes.), I realized. It wasn’t the phone, or the re-runs, or facebook. It was fear. Plain & simple. I was afraid that…. for the first time in my life… I might actually have nothing to say. This is because for the last 8 months, I have been going through a very challenging & contentious divorce. And on that particular day in July, I was afraid that the whole terrible process had stolen my voice.

Today it will be 237 days since I ended my marriage. 238 days ago, I was married. Today, I am not. For 236 nights, and 237 days I have fought with everything inside to hold onto myself, while at the same time trying desperately to allow myself , the space & forgiveness to grow and heal. Since this website is all about finding Bliss, I will keep it brief, and simply say that the past 8 months have been, without question, the most challenging of my life. In, fact I was watching a study on the news recently, which found that people who have gone through a divorce are 40% more likely to age quickly, and die sooner. Forty Percent. Great. How was I supposed to Blog about “Bliss” & “Wellness” when experts say I am clearly doomed to premature crows feet, and probably only have another 6 months or so to live? The thought of tackling inspirational blogging at this point seemed just overwhelming. WHY would anyone be interested in ANYthing I have to say? So I said nothing.

Over the past 8 months, I have been tried & tested. I have been shattered, hurt, disappointed, and stressed near my breaking point. I have cried, hyperventilated, yelled, and screamed (sometimes at those who didn’t deserve it). I have felt lost, exhausted, confused, manic, and occasionally….. even broken beyond repair. But it turns out…. I wasn’t broken. During those same 8 months, I have smiled and laughed. I have danced and surfed, and cycled. I have painted, and journaled, and dreamed. I have witnessed breathtaking sunsets and heartbreaking Art. I have read books… from the inane to the classics, from self-help to the Yoga Sutras. I have lived and loved and healed. I have grown and learned and soul searched. In essence… I have survived. And beyond merely surviving…… I have managed to find a deeper version of myself. A more authentic ‘Me’. Despite the nearly unbearable havoc that Divorce has inflicted (not just on me, mind you….. but on ALL those who love me the most), I have NOT lost my voice. Or my heart. Or my laughter. Rather….. I have actually FOUND these things again. and… in a more profound way than ever.

From this day… from this very MOMENT onward, I intend to develop a deeper, more personal relationship with my Joy. with my LIFE. I had lost so much during my marriage, that I simply refuse to waste another breath NOT being the best version of myself I can possibly access. This of course, begs the question “HOW do I access my best self?”. And this is when, (as I have so often done in moments of major life crises) I turn to my Father ‘s sage advice. During a particularly challenging time, my Dad reminded me that “Happiness is a choice”. A conscious decision to control our own thoughts, feelings, & destiny. Well… I found this extremely comforting. Happiness is not something that simply ‘happens’ to us one day. We have to choose it. We have to love ourselves enough to truly believe that we deserve it. and To CHOOSE happiness takes hard work, peaceful dedication & patient nurturing. To take care of others, we have to first take care of ourselves.

And Thus begins my brand new journey! My commitment to help others find their health, wellness & Joy, by remembering to nurture and cultivate my own. Each day, I am going to do something…. At least ONE thing … that exists exclusively to fill my heart & feed my soul…. and then Blog about it. A daily commitment to my Bliss. I am going to show my gratitude for this amazing LIFE I’ve been given, by seizing every opportunity to choose JOY. I’m going to “Carpe Diem” my little heart out!!! I’ll begin each Blog entry with “5 Things I am grateful for Today”… and then share my journey. I hope you’ll join me on an adventure of your own.

5 Things I am grateful for Today: 1) The courage to talk about the end of my marriage, and the beginning of my new life 2) My tirelessly devoted Family & Friends, without whom this transition would have seemed insurmountable. 3) my students, who inspire me EVERYDAY with their strength, integrity, dedication, and open hearts 4) gummi coke bottles 5) The profoundly limitless possibilities of Life

“Advance, and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood.” – Kahlil Gibran

“They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.” – Winston Churchill

Perfection: the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence

Spring is here! Well…… kinda. Sorta.

OK, OK, you’re still spending more time in your rain boots & slicker than in your flip-flops, but that’s no excuse to be gloomy!  Even here in LA we are being drenched with downpours that bring to mind the “Perfect Storm”, but I am determined to find JUST that amid the grey & gloom.  Perfection.

Some say it doesn’t exist at all.  I protest (loudly) that it does!  Perfection has nothing to do with having a sublime physique, or a foolproof career path.  Perfection is neither the absence of mistakes, nor the procurement of all the right answers.  It does not involve having that elusive utopian relationship, or grasping all your lifelong goals.  In fact… Perfection Itself, is not perfect at all.  It is rather, a choice.  A decision to be happy, and to tirelessly seek out joy.  Even amidst the most stormy or desperate of circumstances.

In the quote above (one of my favorites) Gibran brilliantly defines ‘perfection’ as a verb.  An action.  It has purpose, energy & momentum.  Perfection can be explained by one simple yet dynamic act: “Advance”.  And do it fearlessly.  We can all realize perfection, simply by taking the first step.  Bliss is not about reaching a destination.  In fact, by Gibran’s definition, One can never actually “arrive” at perfection, because in doing so, one would cease to “advance”.  The beauty of life and love is in the journey.   In that courageous first step.  The choice to be happy, and to share that bliss and compassion with each person we encounter… from our dearest loved ones, to the barista that makes our lattes.  And yes, even to your least favorite ‘ex’ who dumped you via payphone then trashed you on facebook.  Extending love THAT far is the pilgrimage of perfection, and the gateway to our own prosperity.

I know Churchill claims that “they” can’t make up their minds, but I believe those that come down on the side of “practice makes perfect” are absolutely correct.  We should practice our happiness every day.  And just like with any practice, this is usually no easy task.  It is challenging to exercise felicity.  Some days… more challenging than others.  But we MUST practice.  Everyday.  Every hour.  Every moment.  We must drive ourselves to overcome any and all external factors beyond our control, and valiantly pursue the light.  We can’t always subjugate the circumstances of our environment, but we CAN regulate the manner in which we react to them.  We can choose….. even in a failing economy, or amidst a devastating breakup… to seek out the joy.  To find the delight.  Believe me…. It exists.  Whether it is in the company of a friend, or in a smile from a stranger that reminds us we are important.  We are significant.  We matter.  Beauty & joy exist all around us.  Even in the eye of the storm.  Especially there.  It is THERE that we learn what we are truly capable of.  What we can endure, and how we can thrive. To persevere in the heart of chaos; in “the perfect storm”: that is perfection.  The adventure.  The voyage.  The advance.  Happiness is everywhere.  We just have to train our eyes to see.