5 Things I’m grateful for today: 1) pumpkin lattes with extra whip 2) Steaming hot showers 3) grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup 4) my Mom 5) my extra fluffy, super comfy white bathrobe.

Today was not the typical Los Angeles Day.  Today I did not grab my Rainbow Brite beach towel & bottle of Hawaiian tropic to head to the Shangri-La pool.  I did not grab my wetsuit & surf board to hit the waves at Venice beach.  I didn’t even throw on my cut-offs & Havianas to walk leisurely around Montana Avenue.  Because today was a meteorological anomaly for Southern California.  Today…… it was cold & raining.

Now, to the rest of the country this may seem a very trivial detail, but here in LA, we approach these days much like North Easterners approach snowstorms.  We don coats & scarves and slickers.  We drive cautiously at well under the speed limit to avoid hydroplaning.  We hit the local grocery stores to load up on amenities like canned goods, bottled water & toilet paper.  We skip our usual errands and trips to the gym, and we start eating soup & snuggling under comforters.

So today, I decided to enjoy an unusual ‘blissful activity’, and take a long walk in the rain.  I went into my storage bin & pulled out my ‘marc jacobs’ rain boots (which I found at nearly 75% off at Fred Segal, due to the fact that it NEVER rains here, so naturally…. there is a very limited demand for rain boots).  I then whipped out the only rain-slicker I own, which is branded with the logo from a show I performed in long ago.  Now this would be PERFECT if that show was ‘singing in the rain!’ but sadly, it was “The Best Little Whorehouse in TX”.  So, to be honest….. I have gotten some confused & judgmental looks from the locals the 2 times I have worn it in my 5 years here in LA.

In a few moments, I was all decked out like ‘Paddington Bear” & ready to take on what any self-respecting Los Angelean would consider two completely unthinkable tasks:  braving a rainstorm, and…………… walking!  Nevertheless, I threw caution to the wind, and off I went!  At first I felt cold and a little bit miserable as the cuffs of my ‘extra long’ lululemon sweats got more & more drenched with each step.  But after a bit, I was able to appreciate the crisp clean air, and the captivating music created by the rhythm of raindrops splashing on Prius windshields.  I could almost feel the stillness, as the normally hectic pace of Wilshire Blvd was now quieted to a slow crawl.  Before long, I made two very important discoveries: 1) my rain boots provide excellent traction, and 2) Santa Monica is not built for rainfall, so HUGE pools of water had formed in nearly every parking lot, and almost all crosswalks.  Within minutes, I found myself giggling hysterically and splashing like a 5 year old through every puddle I could find!  I would slosh through the shallow ones, and take flying JUMPS into the biggest ones (which, in my experience, were largely found in  bank parking lots).  I created astounding splashes that Poseidon himself would envy.  I’d stomp and slosh and plunge into any and every standing pool of water, until I’d absolutely exhausted myself with delight!!

On the way home…. Drenched and dripping, I stopped into a Starbucks for their seasonal pumpkin latte (whipped cream and all).  The aroma of the spices instantly transported me back to those crisp fall days of my childhood back East, when I’d roller-skate in the driveway and rake leaves with my family… (well, to be perfectly honest before my Mom calls me out, I did more jumping and cart-wheeling into piles of leaves than actually RAKING them).  Either way… with unabashed joy, and nostalgic thoughts of crushing crunchy colored leaves beneath my feet whirling around in my brain, I walked home gleefully.

Sometimes….. it’s the cloudiest days, and the simplest things, that create our brightest moments.

5 Things I’m grateful for today: 1) my breath 2) my Black Cherry “Manduka Pro” Yoga Mat 3) my Rip Curl summer wetsuit 4) my friend Justin for detailing my pink beach cruiser 5) chocolate chip pancakes, from Blue Plate on Montana

This morning I woke up and practically BOUNDED out of bed. Now, on a normal day, I would attribute this to the very bold French Roast I typically enjoy first thing in the morning, but today, there was another reason. This morning I was headed to Venice Beach for a Yoga + Surfing workshop! Now, ordinarily I would not choose a “blissful” activity that began at the ungodly hour of 6:45am, but this endeavor seemed well worth bypassing the (very tempting) snooze button. SO… sans coffee, I rode down to the shore on my pink beach cruiser & met my friend Cristi for our sunrise yoga practice on the beach. The flow focused on heart opening & core strength. I felt invigorated by my own breath, & the haze of the rising sun as it struggled through the sticky marine layer. After almost 90 minutes of practice, and what seemed like approximately 7, 685 chaturanga pushups, I felt ready to pop up on my board and face the ocean head on. That is….. until I physically approached the ocean head on, and found the surf wild, gray, dangerous…… and actually BEATING the shore as if in retribution for some unforgiven offense. Ummmm…. This did not look at ALL like the flyer with the picture of the cute, bikini-clad cartoon surfer girl smiling and happy on her pretty pink surfboard, and drinking what I could only imagine was an organic mimosa. No…. this was more like a scene from The Perfect Storm. Only…. minus George Clooney. (Or even Mark Wahlberg). As I stood there in my wetsuit, watching my fellow yogis (all of whom suddenly seemed to be seasoned surfers) dive headfirst into the ocean, only to get immediately pummeled by bone crushing waves, I seriously contemplated bailing altogether and trading in my surfboard for chocolate chip pancakes, the New York Times, and the safety of shore.

But I didn’t. Instead, I channeled my inner yogi, and took a breath….. deep & calming….. and then dove in after my companions, who by now were out past the white water. After all, someone once said: “The brave do not live forever, but the timid do not live at all”. Was it Twain? Franklin? Maybe it was Dumbledore…. In any case, it seemed applicable. And, in this moment…. I wanted to Live! And, miraculously…. despite my limited experience and a raging tide, I did. (barely)

In the very midst of the challenge, and the fear, (and the several gallons of salt water I inhaled), I managed to completely give over to the experience. I felt a truly heart-opening life shift out there in the pacific. 2 hours of breathlessly tackling insane winds and herculean inside breakers. Paddling with everything in my being just to barely tread water. Getting pummeled… over, and over, and over again. Crushed, breathless, & beaten, I’d get right back up, and go right back out. Now, SOME might call this obstinance, but I prefer to think of it as HEART. I summoned all my strength, endurance, determination & fearlessness…. until finally… JUST when I thought I’d never get there, I pushed past the breakers to the awe inspiring tranquility of the quiet, rolling water beyond. I sat on my board and surrendered to the beauty of this stillness. A stillness I had not experienced in a VERY long while. Simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated, I smiled and cried at the awesome power of the ocean, and the astonishing majesty of life.

After a few moments reveling in this languid bliss… I found my balance, and rode the most perfect, most frightening wave all the way to the shore. And then another. And another. Each time I paddled out, I found myself tackling the breakers with more and more confidence…. in awe that surfing is such a prodigious metaphor for life: Sometimes… just when we reach our breaking point, and feel as though everything is over…… The greatest ride of our life BEGINS.

Well……. It’s been awhile since my last blog. A long while, to be truthful. Many times in the past several months I have sat down to the computer to share words of wisdom, and found myself distracted by phone calls, or emails, or Facebook. I’ve made excuses (“but there’s a re-run of FRIENDS on”), I’ve procrastinated (“I’ll do it right after I watch this re-run of “FRIENDS”), and I’ve scolded myself for my laziness (“I’m Horrible for watching a re-run of FRIENDS when I should have been blogging!!!!”). All of this worry & stress still was not enough to motivate me toward my laptop, which was very busy gathering dust in the back corner of my closet, somewhere behind my box-set of FRIENDS. I would occasionally even get minor panic attacks at the mere thought of writing a blog…. “what will I write about??”, “what if it’s not good enough??”, “would Chandler think this blog was funny??”. Time and time again I avoided the dreaded task…. Wondering how something that I once enjoyed SO much, was suddenly more foreboding than the Mayans’ predictions for 2012. Then, one day in July, after a particularly tragic attempt at writing (I think that blog may have actually begun: “GLUTEAL WORK: Don’t get “Behind”. Yikes.), I realized. It wasn’t the phone, or the re-runs, or facebook. It was fear. Plain & simple. I was afraid that…. for the first time in my life… I might actually have nothing to say. This is because for the last 8 months, I have been going through a very challenging & contentious divorce. And on that particular day in July, I was afraid that the whole terrible process had stolen my voice.

Today it will be 237 days since I ended my marriage. 238 days ago, I was married. Today, I am not. For 236 nights, and 237 days I have fought with everything inside to hold onto myself, while at the same time trying desperately to allow myself , the space & forgiveness to grow and heal. Since this website is all about finding Bliss, I will keep it brief, and simply say that the past 8 months have been, without question, the most challenging of my life. In, fact I was watching a study on the news recently, which found that people who have gone through a divorce are 40% more likely to age quickly, and die sooner. Forty Percent. Great. How was I supposed to Blog about “Bliss” & “Wellness” when experts say I am clearly doomed to premature crows feet, and probably only have another 6 months or so to live? The thought of tackling inspirational blogging at this point seemed just overwhelming. WHY would anyone be interested in ANYthing I have to say? So I said nothing.

Over the past 8 months, I have been tried & tested. I have been shattered, hurt, disappointed, and stressed near my breaking point. I have cried, hyperventilated, yelled, and screamed (sometimes at those who didn’t deserve it). I have felt lost, exhausted, confused, manic, and occasionally….. even broken beyond repair. But it turns out…. I wasn’t broken. During those same 8 months, I have smiled and laughed. I have danced and surfed, and cycled. I have painted, and journaled, and dreamed. I have witnessed breathtaking sunsets and heartbreaking Art. I have read books… from the inane to the classics, from self-help to the Yoga Sutras. I have lived and loved and healed. I have grown and learned and soul searched. In essence… I have survived. And beyond merely surviving…… I have managed to find a deeper version of myself. A more authentic ‘Me’. Despite the nearly unbearable havoc that Divorce has inflicted (not just on me, mind you….. but on ALL those who love me the most), I have NOT lost my voice. Or my heart. Or my laughter. Rather….. I have actually FOUND these things again. and… in a more profound way than ever.

From this day… from this very MOMENT onward, I intend to develop a deeper, more personal relationship with my Joy. with my LIFE. I had lost so much during my marriage, that I simply refuse to waste another breath NOT being the best version of myself I can possibly access. This of course, begs the question “HOW do I access my best self?”. And this is when, (as I have so often done in moments of major life crises) I turn to my Father ‘s sage advice. During a particularly challenging time, my Dad reminded me that “Happiness is a choice”. A conscious decision to control our own thoughts, feelings, & destiny. Well… I found this extremely comforting. Happiness is not something that simply ‘happens’ to us one day. We have to choose it. We have to love ourselves enough to truly believe that we deserve it. and To CHOOSE happiness takes hard work, peaceful dedication & patient nurturing. To take care of others, we have to first take care of ourselves.

And Thus begins my brand new journey! My commitment to help others find their health, wellness & Joy, by remembering to nurture and cultivate my own. Each day, I am going to do something…. At least ONE thing … that exists exclusively to fill my heart & feed my soul…. and then Blog about it. A daily commitment to my Bliss. I am going to show my gratitude for this amazing LIFE I’ve been given, by seizing every opportunity to choose JOY. I’m going to “Carpe Diem” my little heart out!!! I’ll begin each Blog entry with “5 Things I am grateful for Today”… and then share my journey. I hope you’ll join me on an adventure of your own.

5 Things I am grateful for Today: 1) The courage to talk about the end of my marriage, and the beginning of my new life 2) My tirelessly devoted Family & Friends, without whom this transition would have seemed insurmountable. 3) my students, who inspire me EVERYDAY with their strength, integrity, dedication, and open hearts 4) gummi coke bottles 5) The profoundly limitless possibilities of Life