HAPPY NEW YEAR!  This morning, January 1, I woke up feeling…. different.  (And not simply because I had imbibed an inordinate amount of pink champagne at various NYE festivities, and kissed a few friends (and maybe even one or two strangers) last night as the ball dropped)…..  Different, because I know that today is a brand new day, in a brand new, squeaky clean sparkling new year!  A day, and a year where anything is possible.  Life just feels… new.  vibrant.  brimming with all the potential for whatever I choose to imagine.

2011, for me, was a year of learning. and growing.  I almost feel as if I knew all along that it was merely a preparation.  A time to listen, and feel.  To overcome, to persevere, and to clear space for all that is to come in 2012.  And now…. 2012 is here.  So as I tumble out of bed, I feel almost giddy as I down a glass of fresh squeezed OJ (resolution #1 – no diet sodas) and brew my own coffee (resolution #2 and #3– consume less sugar, and don’t squander money at Starbucks for ludicrous half-caff sugar free mochas).

For the New Year, I have resolved to begin each morning by drawing an ‘angel card’ for a daily intention.  These are small cards with one word printed on them…. representing the specific ‘angel’ that is working with you to guide you along your path each day (resolution #4- be open to study and explore my own spirituality).  Today, I decide to shuffle the cards before choosing.  As I do so, I start to feel an inexplicable pressure to choose the right card.  The best card.  I mean… I’m kind of expecting this little card to offer some deeply profound insight for the ENTIRE year.  After all, my friend Katie has told me that she is positive 2012 will be my MIRACLE YEAR.  My friend Cathy has told me that, exactly one year ago, her psychic predicted that 2012 was going to be my YEAR of ABUNDANCE (No pressure).  This card I’m about to pick HAS to be perfect!  But then…. I breathe, and realize that I’m being ridiculous (resolution #5 – stop trying to be perfect, and accept my soul’s inherent perfection).  SO I calmly continue to shuffle, meditating on my intentions as I do so (resolution #6 – practice meditations).  Just then…. a kind of miraculous thing happened.  At least…. I choose to think of it as miraculous (resolution #7- notice, and appreciate small miracles…. they are a key to the divine).  As I am shuffling… 3 cards flip themselves over.  Now… this breaks all the rules (resolution #8 – break more rules) of having to CHOOSE just ONE card, but I harnessed resolutions #7 & #8, and just went with it.

the 3 words facing me were: ABUNDANCE.  AWAKENING.  and AUTHENTICITY.  As I stare at each card, I marvel at the perfection of these words. I look forward to the vast potential of this new year. This fresh start (resolution #9 – learn from the past. Be present. Look forward). It’s beginning to appear that 2012 will… in fact… be my personal MIRACLE YEAR.

ABUNDANCE.  AWAKENING.  AUTHENTICITY. I couldn’t have chosen better myself. Which leads me to notice…. a rather wonderful lesson: sometimes…. The true path to your destiny, means getting out of your own way, and trusting that LIFE…. may have bigger plans for you, than you could ever have imagined for yourself (resolution #10- Trust more.  Fear less) I hope YOUR New Year is….. MIRACULOUS.

Late last year, I took a trip around the world, and one of the many highlights was a jaunt to Mal Pais, Costa Rica (see previous blogs).  This sleepy little village is a haven for venturesome surfers, located square between the beautiful rolling waves of the coast-line, and the alluring greenery of the dense rain forests.   In short…. Paradise.

During my visit to this Utopia, one of my favorite treats was cracking open a fresh coconut (straight from the tree) for the hydration of it’s water.  And by “cracking”….. I actually mean machete-ing.  and by “water” i actually mean ‘liquid Bliss’. That’s right.  Part of my enchanted exploration of our planet involved learning to wield a heavy, hand-made machete to cut the coconuts down from the branches & break them open for their delicious meat & milk. (no harm came to the coconut trees in this massacre.  Their fruit is meant to be harvested).  This fresh coconut water kept me hydrated and energized through hours upon hours of sunshine, surfing, and hiking through the wilderness.  It kept me cool in the warm daylight, and sweetened the starlight drenched nights.

Back in the real world of los angeles, it’s not quite as easy to find a) a coconut tree springing out of the 405 freeway, or b) a handy machete to carry around in my yoga bag.  SO….. I have recently been introduced to the next best thing!  YogaEarth “Purity” organic coconut water. Easily transportable, this 100% organic powder is hand- harvested from coconuts in Bali, Indonesia (another elysian Arcadia I visited on my travels).  Each  tiny packet packs a HUGE punch of hydrating electrolytes, which give your water a flavorful boost, and can easily sustain you through a rigorous yoga flow.  Or….Tough Mudder.  or deep sea fishing adventure.  or… any other earth shattering feat your sense of adventure brings your way!

To be honest, i’ve never been one who Loved the taste of straight up water.  I mean…. i Drink it.  but it’s more out of a sense of obligation.  in fact: obligation… mixed with guilt.  Dehydration wreaks absolute havoc on your endocrine system.  So i drink water… because, I know it’s healthier than… say… a boba tea. or an In-n-Out milkshake.  But in most cases, i would much rather have either of latter.  Those who know me, know that i have a (not-so-secret) penchant for Diet Dr. Pepper.  It is one of the guilty pleasures i am trying desperately to quit.  Let’s face it.  it’s not exactly the ideal “poster drink” of the yoga community.  PLUS, i am constantly reminded by my loved ones that sugar substitutes have lately come under scrutiny for causing strokes in later years.  Awesome. SO…. In my recent quest to cut down on my (formerly embarrassingly high) intake of diet sodas and high calorie/ sugar-rich sports drinks, “YogaEarth Purity”  is exactly the ally I need to thwart the insidious enemies: aspartame & dehydration.

And perhaps even MORE amazingly…. Each sip I take brings me back to that relaxing beach on Mal Pais, where I lay (arms distance from my machete), enjoying a quiet siesta in a swaying hammock between 2 coconut trees, listening to the rolling surf kiss the sundrenched shore. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

** look for purity at YogaEarth.com.  I am thrilled to be one of their newest ambassadors!

Typically, I like to begin these blogs with an itemization of “5 Things for which I am thankful”. Today…. I think I will break with tradition, and instead begin this post with…

“5 Things of which I am TERRIFIED!!” 1) being attacked by sharks 2) drowning in the open ocean 3) being attacked by sharks 4) getting lost at sea, forced to seek survival on a raft, bereft of companions, and reduced to forging a bond of friendship with a volleyball named Wilson 5) did I MENTION the sharks????

You might ask, “why the radically modified (and slightly morose) list?” Well I’ll tell you: This coming Saturday, I am forgoing my usual weekend routine of happy hours, leisurely brunches, and dozens of languid hours at the beach. Instead, I am embracing my inner explorer, and embarking on an epic journey… Deep Sea Fishing. In Mexico!!! Why?? Well…. because I have a profound thirst for adventure. And no one has ever accused me of being practical or mundane. But the even broader importance of this trip is that So much of what I teach is based on the idea of being OPEN to opportunities that present themselves. I am constantly encouraging my students to grow in their practice (on and off the mat) by coming out of their comfort zone, and reaching for that which they have not yet mastered. On the mat, this may manifest as a willingness to fall while exploring the balance of ‘half moon’ pose. Off the mat, it may be revealed as taking on a new job, or training for a triathalon. Either way, the embracing of change is an imperative element of growth. Last week in my Yoga class, I referenced a quote from one of my favorite artists, which has become almost like a mantra for my life.

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

Yes. I was one of those annoying students in elementary school who was always raising my hand in class and “Oh! Oh!”-ing to be called on. I LOVED learning and reading, and turning in papers…. I basically Hermione Granger-ed my entire way through the educational system. And while I LIKE to think that I’ve become less annoying about it…. my lust for learning & expanding my horizons has not changed that much since those early days in pigtails & plaid uniforms. I still yearn to learn MORE. To discover… MORE. About…. almost everything! I enjoy taking on challenges, and diving head-first into exotic experiences…… and doing so, usually involves a fair amount of ‘fearlessness’. An un-tempered willingness to reach beyond what we know, and to leap head first into uncharted waters. Be they metaphorical…. Or (in my case) literal.

So…. whether it’s Deep Sea Fishing, Tough Mudders, or new relationships, I find that being open to learning the profound lessons held in any of these enigmas, MAY just teach us something about ourselves along the way. And if I manage to return safely from my weekend out on the Open ocean, with NO land in sight… I’ll happily share my insights and experiences with YOU. If not…. I guess I’ll be sharing them with ‘Wilson’. And my raft.

Well, the theme for fall in Los Angeles certainly seems to be rainy days!  And as someone who can be supremely susceptible to the ‘gloom’, my ultimate challenge to myself seems to be finding the proverbial silver lining.

As a teacher of Yoga, and an advocate of wellness, I am a firm believer in cultivating balance.   Harmonizing body and mind…. Training our weaknesses to become our strengths…  accessing  unaffected clarity of thoughts… the list goes on.  Many of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras focus on finding this elusive equanimity.   Finding Sthira or ‘stability’ is one of the foundations of the practice of yoga.  This type of constancy,  can be defined as our ability to remain unfettered by external disturbances which threaten our equilibrium.   Now, this sounds like a rather simple concept, but I find it to be one of the most elusive skills to cultivate.  Existing in a society makes it challenging to be unaffected by the energies and perceptions of other people.

In an era inundated with ceaseless texting, emailing, facebooking, tweeting and ‘God knows what’ other social media, we are constantly assaulted by the needs, demands, thoughts, and desires of others. As lady gaga so wisely says: “Stop calling, Stop calling, I don’t wanna think anymore!”  These words so often come to mind when my iPhone is ‘blowing up’ like the Chernobyl.  In these moments, I truly appreciate the value of silence.  There are times when I feel like I am always on the go…. Running from classes to meetings to photo or tv shoots… answering emails and texts and tweets from my iPhone every time I hit a stoplight or wait in line at the grocery store.  Often, it feels like the demands on my time and the appeals for immediate and constant accessibility are ENDLESS!  There is simply always SOMETHING productive I could be doing.  One more critically important item on an immeasurable ‘TO DO” list.  To avoid going diametrically insane, all this madness simply MUST be tempered by stillness.  Or at least… a slight pump of the often neglected brakes.

So today I chose a blissful activity that is utterly antithetical to my natural inclination toward perpetual motion: I stopped.

The incessant downpour of rain provided the perfect backdrop for me to take a full day off.  From everything.  Yes….. even my iPhone.  And….. (gasp)……  facebook!!  In fact, I even took the day off from getting dressed.  I simply stayed in my pajamas all day.  I sat snuggled under a down comforter on the couch eating food that was delivered to me, and watched movies.  I started with a new Horror release: “Splice”, and culminated my day of rest with a legendary classic (and personal favorite) “Aliens”.  (As you can tell… I’m not a “romantic comedy” kind of girl.  I’m more a “watching-Arnold-Schwarzenegger-destroy-millions-of-Predators-without-a-scratch” kind of girl.)

For a WHOLE day, I did not turn my phone on.  I did not update my status or open my laptop.  I didn’t even put my contact lenses in.  I simply recharged.  And it felt…… Amazing!!!!!!

Sometimes we forget that we absolutely do NOT have to be instantly available to anyone and everyone who contacts us.  The emails can wait a day (or even 2 or 3) without anyone’s world ending.  Alarmingly…. no natural disasters occurred from the fact that I did not respond to every text I received.  Sigourney Weaver did not have to emerge and save us from acid-blooded Mother Aliens that descended as a result of my NOT tweeting for a day.  And though I did get a few worried calls from friends and family who thought I SURELY must have died since I had not updated my status in  24 hours, even THEY survived.  Everything was still there, patiently waiting for me the next day.  And by the time the clouds cleared, and I re-entered the world, I actually felt READY to be back.

Sometimes…. it’s astounding how invigorating a little retreat from life can be.

5 Things I’m Grateful for Today: 1) my purple lululemon yoga pants 2) rental cars that handle really well 3) low-fat cottage cheese with organic red raspberries 4) Disco Naps 5) my iphone 4’s extended battery life.

Today is one of those days, where you have so much on your “to do” list, that you just want to curl up and cannonball directly into a pint of Haagen Dazs double chocolate chip.  I had 6 classes to teach ranging from Yoga to “Burn Bliss” to Core Sport.  By noon, I had taught over 150 people and done at least 679 chaturanga pushups.  I kept powering through my list, item after item, until finally I finished my last appointment of the day.  Approximately 62 items still remained on my list, but I decided that instead of tackling them, I would instead choose to breathe, relax, and enjoy my “blissful activity” of the day:  An Afternoon Hike up Paseo Miramar with a friend.

I was getting picked up at 3:30, and had literally not sat down (unless you count sit-ups and core work as “sitting down”) since 7:30 this morning.  Nonetheless, I knew I would find a restful heart and mind by enjoying the cool, sunny afternoon breeze and the stellar views of the pacific. SO…. I hopped in the car, rolled down the windows, and off we went for an adventure up Sunset and the PCH.

The first part of this 5 mile hike is no walk in the park.  Rather, It is a steep uphill climb.  The sun, which was so cool & inviting by the beach, seemed vehemently scorching now as it fogged up my sunglasses and forced beads of sweat down my forehead.  After dozens of warrior series and hundreds of squat presses earlier in the day, I am struggling to keep up with my friend.  Now, He finds this endlessly amusing,…. But as a 6’1” former marine with legs as long as my entire body (I may be exaggerating here just a bit), I feel he has an unfair genetic advantage over me.  I keep falling behind, but after about 20 minutes I’m able to hit my stride and find my breath long enough to notice the extraordinary view of the pacific coastline.

The sky is clear, and the water is a cerulean blue that is a few shades richer than I’ve ever seen it.  We continue our trek straight up the mountain, and I’m surprised by how few people we pass, since this route is usually heavily traversed.  I am struck by the stillness.  By the quiet. By the fact that, in this moment, we seem SO far away from Los Angeles, that I would have believed you if you told me we were journeying up the Amalfi Coast of Italy, or along the Adriatic shores of Croatia.  I allowed myself to get lost in the views, and the smell of fresh air, and the jaunty conversation.  I left all the remaining items on my “to-do” list back at my apartment behind locked doors.  I was able to escape.  To release.  To smile.  To laugh.  And…… to let go.  It was as though this hike was more of a ‘moving meditation’, than a heart-pumping workout.  I allowed myself to dive head-first into this experience…. And to breathe.

We finally reach the lookout point, and sit down on a wooden bench which is “dedicated in memory of”….. someone I don’t know, but who was obviously loved.  As I sit there in a moment of reflection, I realize that….. on this clear day, you actually CAN see forever.  Literally forever, because the views reach from Malibu to Catalina to the Palm Dessert mountains.  Metaphorically forever because, at this moment, it seems SO easy to see Divinity in all this beauty.  Without even trying, you can experience a little piece of enlightenment.

The sun began it’s descent much to quickly for my taste, and we made our way back down the mountain.  This time, in the cool shade of twilight.  Just before we reached the bottom, we heard someone call out “STOP!”.  My heart stopped for a moment as I recalled the “Beware of Mountain Lions” sign at the entrance of the trail.  Just as I was wondering if I could outrun a mountain lion (or at least…… outrun my friend), we got a little closer, and I realized…… it was even worse (at least to a ‘Ophidiophobe’ like me)  A rattlesnake had stretched itself across the entire path.  A big, fat, scary, slithering one.  I froze.  I had never seen one.  At least …. never outside of “Man vs. Wild”, and THAT didn’t turn out so well for “Man”.  I’ll admit it.  I was scared.  The rattle on the tail stopped me dead in my tracks.  My friend, who has seen this dozens of times calmly walked right by the snake, encouraging me to do the same, but I just couldn’t.  for a good 15 seconds I was stone cold still, unable to cross the snake in front of me.  Then I remembered 2 things that I am always reminding myself, and my yoga classes.  “Have faith”, and “face fear”.  So…. I took a deep breath (as my friend Shelly is always reminding me to do) and I rallied my inner strength, as I gingerly (or maybe not so gingerly) sidestepped the obstacle in my path.

Unortunately……I didn’t make it.

Kidding!! I survived to write today’s Blog.  But not without practicing some of my life lessons:  Taking time to breathe, finding God in everything and everyone around me, enjoying open honest conversation, exploring a moving meditation, remembering to listen more and talk less, and overcoming fear.  Just like happiness, these things take practice.  And we call this practice….. Life.

5 Things I am grateful for today:  1) my loving yoga students, who presented me with a check for donation to my favorite animal charity  2) the swimming pool at the Shangri La Hotel 3)  my writing  4) my Voluspa gardenia candles  5) love in all it’s various incarnations

The 7 stages of grief:  1) shock & denial 2) pain & guilt 3) bargaining & anger 4) reflection & loneliness 5) the upward turn 6) reconstruction 7) acceptance

Grief: Stage 4.

I knew it was coming, so one could argue that I should have been better prepared. I suddenly found myself (a life loving, joy seeking, extrovert) in the most difficult phase of all…….

The ominous…… ‘reflection & loneliness’.  Anyone who has suffered a loss of any kind, will understand this phase.  It is the time when the phone stops ringing, the texts stop pinging, and you have to go out and buy your OWN pinkberry.  This is the time of deafening quiet and absolute aloneness.  The point where friends have to continue on with their own lives & schedules, and society in general feels like you should get on with it, and get over it.  The emotional support is still there of course, but you are left…………… Alone.

Loneliness.  To be blunt….. it sucks.  It attempts to steal our strength by hurling us into a powerless & needy phase, where we feel agonizingly alone, and therefore search OUTSIDE ourselves for comfort and acceptance.  Of course, this search will always turn up barren because we can only ever truly find these things WITHIN.  But this does not stop loneliness.  In our weak & vulnerable state of grief, loneliness is able to convince us that what we REALLY want is external acceptance.  To be hugged and held and kissed and loved.  Loneliness assures us that we NEED to be wanted.  It induces in our hearts an insatiable craving for external attention and appreciation.  In our sadness, we believe (momentarily) that if we can only convince someone…. ANYone to need us and want us and hold us and hug us, that we will somehow be validated.  We will somehow be miraculously healed.  The fatal flaw in this plan, is that we cannot seek this validation from others.  We must find it in ourselves.

This of course is much easier said than done, for very often it is easier to find love from others, than to truly seek it within…. But the kind of love you will find in loneliness is fleeting and superficial.  Real ‘Self Love’ can be deeply elusive.  Many people unknowingly mask their lack of ‘Self Love’ with over-confidence or narcissism, thus creating a façade which robs them of the ability to truly turn their gaze inward.  They build up walls which grow tall and strong around their hearts.

Instead, I’ve decided to convert this stage of loneliness to one of resolute introspection.  I will use this time ‘alone’ to grow and to learn…. to cultivate and honor my gifts.  I will vigilantly remind myself that in knowing my OWN worth, I will attract the TRUE kind of Love…….. when the time is right.

Reflection: It is during this precarious phase of grief that I believe we ourselves determine the destiny of our recovery.  Though…. Destiny may be a careless use of vernacular, since the recovery ACTUALLY rests on the foundation of ‘free will’.   It is in this stage that a choice is made.  We can either seek escape, or…. We can transform.  We can either create a pretense of faux positivity to cover up and deny our pain, or we can seek our authentic joy. We can chose to push the grief and anger way, way, WAY, into the recesses of our heart, and cover it with all the other layers of emotional grime & guck we’ve buried down there, or…. We can make a much more difficult choice.  A choice that can be as frightening and unyielding….. as it is enigmatic and labyrinthine.  We can choose to take an honest look inward and confront our sorrow and our demons head on.

In order to reveal our true radiance, we must expose & confront our melancholy.

Goethe said “to die and so to grow’”.  The Yogis speak of savasana…. A death of the old, to allow for a rebirth of the new.   In her book  ‘BROKEN OPEN: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow’, Elizabeth Lesser also speaks beautifully on this subject.

She says:  “Now I know that when we only show our light side to the World, our shadow grows restless, sucking into itself much of our energy and passion.  In order to release my trapped energy and awaken my best qualities, I had to engage with my ‘shadow’.  I had to be broken open so fully that my whole self was laid out before me to own and to forgive and to love.”

AMEN Sister!

So here I am.  Right smack in the middle of the dreaded Stage 4.  Confronting my melancholy.  So today, for my “blissful” activity, I plan to hang out here for awhile.  To own it.  To meditate on it.  To practice yoga through it.  I’m not going to hope and pray for Stage 5 to hurry and show up already.  I’m going to learn to change Stage 4 from the negatives of ‘lonliness and reflection’ to the positives of ‘solitude and transformation’.

Namaste

5 Things I’m grateful for today: 1) my breath 2) my Black Cherry “Manduka Pro” Yoga Mat 3) my Rip Curl summer wetsuit 4) my friend Justin for detailing my pink beach cruiser 5) chocolate chip pancakes, from Blue Plate on Montana

This morning I woke up and practically BOUNDED out of bed. Now, on a normal day, I would attribute this to the very bold French Roast I typically enjoy first thing in the morning, but today, there was another reason. This morning I was headed to Venice Beach for a Yoga + Surfing workshop! Now, ordinarily I would not choose a “blissful” activity that began at the ungodly hour of 6:45am, but this endeavor seemed well worth bypassing the (very tempting) snooze button. SO… sans coffee, I rode down to the shore on my pink beach cruiser & met my friend Cristi for our sunrise yoga practice on the beach. The flow focused on heart opening & core strength. I felt invigorated by my own breath, & the haze of the rising sun as it struggled through the sticky marine layer. After almost 90 minutes of practice, and what seemed like approximately 7, 685 chaturanga pushups, I felt ready to pop up on my board and face the ocean head on. That is….. until I physically approached the ocean head on, and found the surf wild, gray, dangerous…… and actually BEATING the shore as if in retribution for some unforgiven offense. Ummmm…. This did not look at ALL like the flyer with the picture of the cute, bikini-clad cartoon surfer girl smiling and happy on her pretty pink surfboard, and drinking what I could only imagine was an organic mimosa. No…. this was more like a scene from The Perfect Storm. Only…. minus George Clooney. (Or even Mark Wahlberg). As I stood there in my wetsuit, watching my fellow yogis (all of whom suddenly seemed to be seasoned surfers) dive headfirst into the ocean, only to get immediately pummeled by bone crushing waves, I seriously contemplated bailing altogether and trading in my surfboard for chocolate chip pancakes, the New York Times, and the safety of shore.

But I didn’t. Instead, I channeled my inner yogi, and took a breath….. deep & calming….. and then dove in after my companions, who by now were out past the white water. After all, someone once said: “The brave do not live forever, but the timid do not live at all”. Was it Twain? Franklin? Maybe it was Dumbledore…. In any case, it seemed applicable. And, in this moment…. I wanted to Live! And, miraculously…. despite my limited experience and a raging tide, I did. (barely)

In the very midst of the challenge, and the fear, (and the several gallons of salt water I inhaled), I managed to completely give over to the experience. I felt a truly heart-opening life shift out there in the pacific. 2 hours of breathlessly tackling insane winds and herculean inside breakers. Paddling with everything in my being just to barely tread water. Getting pummeled… over, and over, and over again. Crushed, breathless, & beaten, I’d get right back up, and go right back out. Now, SOME might call this obstinance, but I prefer to think of it as HEART. I summoned all my strength, endurance, determination & fearlessness…. until finally… JUST when I thought I’d never get there, I pushed past the breakers to the awe inspiring tranquility of the quiet, rolling water beyond. I sat on my board and surrendered to the beauty of this stillness. A stillness I had not experienced in a VERY long while. Simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated, I smiled and cried at the awesome power of the ocean, and the astonishing majesty of life.

After a few moments reveling in this languid bliss… I found my balance, and rode the most perfect, most frightening wave all the way to the shore. And then another. And another. Each time I paddled out, I found myself tackling the breakers with more and more confidence…. in awe that surfing is such a prodigious metaphor for life: Sometimes… just when we reach our breaking point, and feel as though everything is over…… The greatest ride of our life BEGINS.

Well……. It’s been awhile since my last blog. A long while, to be truthful. Many times in the past several months I have sat down to the computer to share words of wisdom, and found myself distracted by phone calls, or emails, or Facebook. I’ve made excuses (“but there’s a re-run of FRIENDS on”), I’ve procrastinated (“I’ll do it right after I watch this re-run of “FRIENDS”), and I’ve scolded myself for my laziness (“I’m Horrible for watching a re-run of FRIENDS when I should have been blogging!!!!”). All of this worry & stress still was not enough to motivate me toward my laptop, which was very busy gathering dust in the back corner of my closet, somewhere behind my box-set of FRIENDS. I would occasionally even get minor panic attacks at the mere thought of writing a blog…. “what will I write about??”, “what if it’s not good enough??”, “would Chandler think this blog was funny??”. Time and time again I avoided the dreaded task…. Wondering how something that I once enjoyed SO much, was suddenly more foreboding than the Mayans’ predictions for 2012. Then, one day in July, after a particularly tragic attempt at writing (I think that blog may have actually begun: “GLUTEAL WORK: Don’t get “Behind”. Yikes.), I realized. It wasn’t the phone, or the re-runs, or facebook. It was fear. Plain & simple. I was afraid that…. for the first time in my life… I might actually have nothing to say. This is because for the last 8 months, I have been going through a very challenging & contentious divorce. And on that particular day in July, I was afraid that the whole terrible process had stolen my voice.

Today it will be 237 days since I ended my marriage. 238 days ago, I was married. Today, I am not. For 236 nights, and 237 days I have fought with everything inside to hold onto myself, while at the same time trying desperately to allow myself , the space & forgiveness to grow and heal. Since this website is all about finding Bliss, I will keep it brief, and simply say that the past 8 months have been, without question, the most challenging of my life. In, fact I was watching a study on the news recently, which found that people who have gone through a divorce are 40% more likely to age quickly, and die sooner. Forty Percent. Great. How was I supposed to Blog about “Bliss” & “Wellness” when experts say I am clearly doomed to premature crows feet, and probably only have another 6 months or so to live? The thought of tackling inspirational blogging at this point seemed just overwhelming. WHY would anyone be interested in ANYthing I have to say? So I said nothing.

Over the past 8 months, I have been tried & tested. I have been shattered, hurt, disappointed, and stressed near my breaking point. I have cried, hyperventilated, yelled, and screamed (sometimes at those who didn’t deserve it). I have felt lost, exhausted, confused, manic, and occasionally….. even broken beyond repair. But it turns out…. I wasn’t broken. During those same 8 months, I have smiled and laughed. I have danced and surfed, and cycled. I have painted, and journaled, and dreamed. I have witnessed breathtaking sunsets and heartbreaking Art. I have read books… from the inane to the classics, from self-help to the Yoga Sutras. I have lived and loved and healed. I have grown and learned and soul searched. In essence… I have survived. And beyond merely surviving…… I have managed to find a deeper version of myself. A more authentic ‘Me’. Despite the nearly unbearable havoc that Divorce has inflicted (not just on me, mind you….. but on ALL those who love me the most), I have NOT lost my voice. Or my heart. Or my laughter. Rather….. I have actually FOUND these things again. and… in a more profound way than ever.

From this day… from this very MOMENT onward, I intend to develop a deeper, more personal relationship with my Joy. with my LIFE. I had lost so much during my marriage, that I simply refuse to waste another breath NOT being the best version of myself I can possibly access. This of course, begs the question “HOW do I access my best self?”. And this is when, (as I have so often done in moments of major life crises) I turn to my Father ‘s sage advice. During a particularly challenging time, my Dad reminded me that “Happiness is a choice”. A conscious decision to control our own thoughts, feelings, & destiny. Well… I found this extremely comforting. Happiness is not something that simply ‘happens’ to us one day. We have to choose it. We have to love ourselves enough to truly believe that we deserve it. and To CHOOSE happiness takes hard work, peaceful dedication & patient nurturing. To take care of others, we have to first take care of ourselves.

And Thus begins my brand new journey! My commitment to help others find their health, wellness & Joy, by remembering to nurture and cultivate my own. Each day, I am going to do something…. At least ONE thing … that exists exclusively to fill my heart & feed my soul…. and then Blog about it. A daily commitment to my Bliss. I am going to show my gratitude for this amazing LIFE I’ve been given, by seizing every opportunity to choose JOY. I’m going to “Carpe Diem” my little heart out!!! I’ll begin each Blog entry with “5 Things I am grateful for Today”… and then share my journey. I hope you’ll join me on an adventure of your own.

5 Things I am grateful for Today: 1) The courage to talk about the end of my marriage, and the beginning of my new life 2) My tirelessly devoted Family & Friends, without whom this transition would have seemed insurmountable. 3) my students, who inspire me EVERYDAY with their strength, integrity, dedication, and open hearts 4) gummi coke bottles 5) The profoundly limitless possibilities of Life